my

2006-05-05T12:59:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 181 DAYS.

utterances suddenly halted.
explanations, unheard.
three weeks, and counting.
i listened and took all the blame because i couldn't fight no more.. not because i am guilty. but that's besides the point.

the matter is..
from the first time we kissed, until the last time i saw you..

i was yours.
all yours.
200% in-love with you.

and now, what's left in me? words? tears? what will be my stance in life? where do i go from here?

you have become life.
so now, i'm having a hard time finding the life before you.
my life before you.
nakalimutan ko na yung buhay ko nung wala ka.
ang hirap bumangon.
and hirap gumising sa umaga.

feels like little deaths, you know.
as days go by, you're one step farther.
and it hurts seeing you walk away.
everyday i'm a step behind
and you're a step away.

and it burns brighter than sunshine.

2006-03-09T15:25:00.000+08:00

WALA

i study every wall, every surface of a new. all's empty. no doors, no curtains, the unpainted portions, the untilled floor, every corner looks strange. long terms for the word "abandoned". that's how you made me picture it.

then you cry.. you weep for reasons i understand. and i feel like i'm an extra bag of burden. then i cry.. and weep for reasons you can't comprehend.

i haven't seen you smile lately. i haven't seen my eyes back to its normal lid. come on...

let me walk with you.
kwentuhan tayo..

2006-02-20T12:19:00.000+08:00

EXCERPTS FROM A WARM CUP

i nod.

looking at the way you hesitate to take my hand, resisting so near yours. i know you are already gone. i will make it easy for the both of us, i told myself.

i will forget the feel of your hands on my skin.
i will smile and tell you that i'm happy for you because
that's what you want to hear..
and that's what i want to believe.
i will not hope that you will be back soon..
nor say that i wish i was going with you.

instead..
i will keep in mind that there's nothing between us anymore.

its just that
the coffee is too warm..
and i am so cold.

2006-01-30T12:55:00.000+08:00

IF MUCH HAS BEEN SAID

why is it so difficult to love, when it should be the easiest thing to do?

2006-01-11T20:37:00.000+08:00

COYOTE UGLY

when i close my eyes, everything becomes bleary.
i'm spinning around, spinning, spinning, spinning like a trolley
or anything that goes in circles.
it feels like the music box i used to hate back in preparatory school.
i am atop of this melancholy rhythm playing inside my head.
its fast. faster... twirling and twirling...
fast. fast. fast. it makes me want to catch my breath.
and when i do, i smell this funny aroma from last nights not-so-sober-moment.
what's worse is that i taste it, this funky smell.
i stink.

when i open my eyes, i see rays of light coming out from the unshielded portion of the blinds.
oh, and my worn out clothes screaming to the brim of my laundry basket.
filed up and scattered in a weird way.
how much i hate this pink sheets, the pink flower painting on that pink wall.
pink has never been my favorite color.

There is no intent of intoxicating myself.
plain stupidity, i know.
i just needed the sensation of being drunk.
i feel vindicated?

every thump of every heartbeat..
sounds like this heavy drumroll i hear on television noon time shows.
i've always been irritable to that stupid, stupid sound.
even the pencil i'm holding can't take a grip of my hand..
or the other way around, i don't give a shit for free.

every rush feels sickening.
i feel like barfing for the nth time.

when i shut my eyes again,
i try to see you.
your face comforts me.
your face comforts me in a sense wherein everything becomes still..
silent
peaceful.

and i want to pain, to laugh, to smile, to scream
all at the same moment of stillness in silence.

when i open my eyes again,
i try to see you.
to remind myself that in spite of these..
its a beautiful day.
one lovely day.

2005-12-24T19:39:00.000+08:00

O HAYEP.

malamig ang simoy ng hangin. sana kapiling kita ngayong mga sandaling ito. kahit hindi mo ako yakapin, makasama ka lang ay parang laging pasko. nagdiriwang, nagtatawanan, lahat ay nagsasalo salo. ngayon, bukas, at sa mga susunud pang mga araw, ikaw ang magsisilbing liwanag at sigla na nagbibigay ng pugay sa daan milyong ngiti na nakabakas sa muka ko. mahal na mahal kita o irog..

ikaw ang langit sa lupa, ang aking kaarawan, araw ni bonifacio, kaarawan ng mga tao sa mundo... pati narin araw ng mga santo, patay, ni rizal, at ramadan, at shempre pasko sa buhay ko.

astig ka, pero mas astig ako. dahil ikaw ay akin at ako ay saiyo. at nagawa ko to na walang dayuhang lenguahe.. at hindi bulol. kaya ayos. maayos talaga ako. kaya wag ka sana maging loko loko. dahil pag nangyari yun.. sasapakin kita at ng mga mahal kong kaibigan.

yun lang naman irog ang nais kong ipahiwatig. kung nababasa lang to ni maam mendoza.. hindi sana niya ako binigyan ng tres.

AT PARA SA MGA MAHAL KO SA BUHAY..

BLESSED BE.
magdiwang tayo.
pasko eh.

P.S.
pasensya na.. sabi saakin ng matalik kong kaibigan maganda daw eh.. edi nagpaka henyo nalang ako.

2005-12-17T12:41:00.000+08:00

PICK YOUR TOES

miss thea palijo, you rock. i do too beacause we're bestfriends.

to cut the red shit, WE ROCK. hahahah.

superfriends.
charcoal.
distorted toes.
blue, purple, and color coded number two's.
cheers.
solo picks.
chicken dance.

i heart you like WHOA. to bits!

2005-12-12T13:03:00.000+08:00

PEDESTAL

come, carry me.
i wonder how it feels like to be lifted up.
you, me.. let's dive.
and witness life beyond the waters.
give me wings.
and fly me to paradise.

my pretty baby,
see me.

i have been saving thousands of smiles for you.

2005-10-24T18:43:00.000+08:00

HOW IT FEELS LIKE

i dreamt about it last night. when i woke up, i knew exactly what's bound to happen.

FRIENDS...

i failed accounting 1a&b.

my whole life, i've been waiting for miracles to happen. after i saw that FAIL mark on my clearance paper, that's the only time i gave up on believing. you want to know why i feel so sick? it's because i put all my sweat, my time, and my head on that book. funny how it seems, but those who got LOWER, yes LOWER, grades than i did, PASSED.

it doesn't make any sense at all...

2005-10-05T14:44:00.000+08:00

VULNERABILITY

vul·ner·a·ble ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vlnr--bl)
adj.
1.
-Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
-Open to censure or criticism; assailable.
2.
-Liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation.

there were times when men showed real affection yet i, unintentionally, forbid myself to return the feeling. i always pick, most of the time, guys who i know will do nothing but break my heart. yeah, whoever enjoys pain is a major asshole.. who isn't when you're in love? i'm not saying that all my past relationships were tragic. all i'm saying is that even though crazy things happened, my mentality about love didn't change. i was always hopeful that there is SOMEONE who will come at the end of the day, and save me from this undying place.

this mentality of mine, as time went by, molded me to a person who is always vulnerable. I guess that explains why i get hurt and why i hurt people who loves me. fighting demons is not an easy task.

look at me now... i fear pain, which i never did before. i'm afraid that if i commit, i will just end up hurting or getting hurt. its sickening. why? because i want to settle and be happy. i'm not getting any younger!

what's done is done. so why all these drama? the guy i was blogging about, gave up for good. its been a month. I don't know if it was something i did or didn't do.

so what now?

i am afraid and a bitch. i am facing another situation that is seemingly confusing. i refuse to yield to an overwhelming desire or to get any closer and emotionally attached to kean(a close friend of mine, who happens to have a reputation) even if he makes me extremely happy.

i'm afraid that if i do, i will be ranting about this love sucks and shit all over again.

2005-10-01T15:43:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD.

how have you been?

its been a long time since i jotted down something sensible in here. maybe not. maybe i never did. maybe yes. does it matter?

MAGBALIK is a composition of a friend of mine. with rhythm, tsong, ASTEEEG YUN! so i thought of posting the lyrics. whenever i face the computer lately, my mind malfunctions. frankly speaking, that's the only productive thing i did yesterday besides cracking over-rated jokes to everyone.

yes ICA, my dear, i am happy, beyond ecstatic to be exact.. still corny thou :) hearts to you.

moving on..

tons of bizarre occurrences flooded my room. i will forever believe in sweet september.. just the thought of it makes me doubt everything else.

i'll save the rest of the whole for next time.

2005-09-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

MAGBALIK
by calalily

wala naba ang dating pagtingin
sawa na ba saaking lambing
wala ka namang dahilan
bakit bigla nalang nangiwan

di na alam ang gagawin
upang ikaw ay magbalik saakin
ginawa ko naman ang lahat
ngunit bakit bigla nalang naghanap

hindi magbabago
pagmamahal sa iyo
sana pakinggan mo
awit nitong pusong ito

tulad ng mundo na hindi tumitigil
sa pag ikot pag-ibig di mapapagod
tulad ng ilog na hindi tumitigil
sa pag agos, pag-ibig di matatapos

alaalay bumabalik
mga panahong nasasabik
sukdulang muka mo ay
laging nasa pabnaginip

bakit biglang pinagpalit
pagsasamahang tila nawaglit
ang dating walang hanggan
nagkaroon ng katapusan

hindi magbabago
pagmamahal sa iyo
sana pakinggan mo
awit nitong pusong ito

tulad ng mundo na hindi tumitigil
sa pag ikot pag-ibig di mapapagod
tulad ng ilog na hindi tumitigil
sa pag agos, pag-ibig di matatapos

2005-08-16T12:51:00.000+08:00

ORDINARY PEOPLE by john legend

BOY im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel just like walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
You never know baby youuuu and I

---

HE CAME BACK. HE TOOK IT BACK.
I'M SO SO HAPPY!
I AM HAPPY.

2005-08-01T14:12:00.000+08:00

TWENTEEN

i want to say thank you. thank you for those who remembered my aging last wednesday. it was overwhelming to feel loved, by the people who i love. thank you. thank you. thank you.

to my sister, who put candles and pictures of us growing up(mejo nagkalat lang naman sa kwarto ko) all over my room. that was the best gift i received.

to my bestfriend, who did not forget to CELEBRATE and MAKE me feel that it was indeed my day. i love you.

to my kakangs, who bonded with me and made my birthday something i will remember for the rest of my life.

to my friendships, who were there in spite of the "commotion" going on with their lives.

to my close friends, who greeted me via SMS.

to tonton and jerrick, who surprised me the moment i got home.

to my orgmates, who made my day work-free day.

to my new classmates, who sang happy birthday in class.

to my new teammates in pre-com and in commerce, thank you for the greetings.

to my cousin reji for that wonderful entry.

and to all of my batchmates, friends, and acquaintances... thank you. thank you for remembering.

i thank GOD everyday for all of you.
masaya. masaya.
its fun to be here even if sometimes its complicated.

2005-07-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

DADDY DADDY, WHERE ART THOU?

i hate him. he went to our place earlier as if nothing happened. i hate his gut. i hate you!

and yes, as the saying goes, you hurt the people you love. so so so TRUE. i'm not his little girl anymore and i pity him for that. he's not the dad he used to be, and i pity me for that. its so sad. sometimes, it feels good to feel invisible from time to time.

para wala nalang pakeelamanan.

moving on, its officially a trend! yes it is. i want to do something about whats happening with my closest friends. it seems only yesterday when we discussed issues like this one. i believe. yes. i have faith that everything happens for a reason.

its god's will.
so why waste?
why can't we see things differently?

life is so simple, yet we are making it complicated. maybe because we all enjoy pain once in a while.

i do!

ang hirap. pano kaya sila? siguro nga, hindi ko maiiintindihan kung wala ako sa posisyon nila. marami pa akong dapat nalaman.

bata pa nga talaga ako. musmos na wala pang alam. at kung meron man, hindi pa sapat.

2005-07-06T12:40:00.000+08:00

WEATHER WEATHER LANG YAN

tayong mga tao may notion na kapag umuulan, malungkot. tao nga talaga ako. hindi lang nababad sa baha ang bago kong sapatos kahapon, pero babad narin utak ko sa kakaisip.

TANGAMA.

isip dito, isip dyan. puro nalang isip. nakakaleche na.

may nakabasa nga ng sinulat ko. ayun, bumalik nanaman sa dati. cycle lang naman to eh.. paikot ikot. ako? nahihilo na. konti nalang, sinasabi ko.. mauubos na pasensya ko.

maiba naman kasi puro pag-ibig nalang. so ano nga ba meron bat pumuputok ang budhi ko?

kasi, laging baha sa skwelahan.

kasi, may antipatika akong kaklase na nagmamaganda, mukhang namang chimay.

kasi, sawi nanaman ako.

kasi, parang wala ng oras sa mundo.

kasi, namimiss ko na mga kaibigan ko, mga kakang ko, at barkada ko.

kasi, magkakaroon na ata ako. maraming

kasi eh. for the first time tsong, maraming sagot.

TANGAMA TALAGA.

siguro nga.. weder weder lang yan. palipasin, para matapos na. bukas, tatawa ako ng malakas. bahala na mabingi ang mundo. care nila? wala nalang pakeelamanan. mahaba nga talaga buhok ko, buhaghag pa.

2005-06-30T12:56:00.000+08:00

TO IT

i want to scream. i want to scream.
to burst out and conquer.
to shift in and out.
to hail. to hail.
to scream. to shout. to be free.

it has become a burden.
a downing, dragging, fucking burden.
in this box, i unfold.
in this room, i scatter.
disseminate me.
on every piece of the floor.

it disgust me.
just like the toilet i sat onto.
to breakthrough. and destroy.
to hold it. to smash it.

bang bang bang!

to fly when the wind blows.
to growl as the noise sinks.
to be free like all are.

2005-06-23T14:34:00.000+08:00

DEAR MR. RIGHT,

you leaving sometime ago, arrayed a mosaic of something unbearable that messed me up for a while there. and believe me, it wasn't close to okay. it was hell. i never imagined my senses will pour that way. you really did pain me.

i lost hope. yes, that something we call HOPE that i have been clinging on to fight every bad occurrences that passes me by. you were so so good. way better than anyone i know. you disregarded everything that i had in store for you.

even love itself.

it was indeed a blessing in disguise. you, pushing me away. maybe god did that on purpose. i need not bang my head to get the whole picture. i got the hang of it in the long run..

the yucky love stuff, i may say.

and you know what? this is the perfect time to rejoice. i am proud. never boastful, but proud. proud that i learned how to surpass the surface. and just so you know, it did hit me, made me go down, burned me.. all the more scar me. yes, because i loved you.

so there's a buzz, flying like an angry mosquito. if it is true, then its time to get even.

yeah, GET EVEN.

or maybe not. i do not believe in revenge anyway. its some lazy act of grief, and i'm done with that. i'll let time take its coarse. because its too late to compromise now that the feeling is gone.

if you knew how i fell in love with you.. and how i fought rejection, you should have realized the feeling's worth. and maybe, just maybe, you could've kept it. but you didn't. because, you were too busy pushing me away..

away from you.

yeah, it shouldn't be that hurtfull if i didn't really feel for you.

and so i learn.
and so i learn.

i can say now, even to your face, that i am happy

without you. galing noh?

a pair of shoe..

2005-06-02T02:49:00.000+08:00

A QUOTE

the truest life is when you are in dreams awake..

so true.

2005-05-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

MISSING

...is when you are standing amidst an unfamiliar setting, without any idea what part of the earth's crust you're standing on. it's like walking on a deserted road with no signs, fixing a jigsaw puzzle without a picture to guide you through. your path is a blur, your destination unknown. you're just a flesh on a crossroad.

confused, puzzled, anxious, lost.

no one eats shit right?

oh well.. that's just me. missing

you.

2005-05-05T20:23:00.000+08:00

PASASAPUSO KO NALANG

madrama to.
pasensya na.

masaya. sobra. dahil unang una, nakakasama ko mga kaibigan ko. lalong lalo na yung dalawang pinaka malapit sa puso ko. bumalik narin sina claiza galing boracay, kaya may kadamay nanaman ako. sa pamilya, ok na kami ng lola ko. ngayon ko nga lang nadama to eh sa tagal tagal kong gising sa mundo.

pero siguro nga, lahat ng kasiyahan may hangganan. yan siguro sumpa ng buhay sa mga tao. kung pwede lang sana maging masaya nalang habang buhay diba? pero hindi ganoon eh. kasi kung lahat ng tao ay masaya, hindi tayo matututo. hindi rin natin malalalaman kung pano umangon sa hirap.

o cya, tama sa sermon. siguro naman, matatanda na kayo. alam nyo na yon.

masaya parin naman ako eh, kaya lang, tao rin ako.

nasasaktan.
umiiyak.
nagseselos.

hindi lahat ng gusto ko pwede mapasaakin. hindi rin lahat ng hilingin ko, pwede ko makuha. isa lang naman hinihingi ko, pero siguro nga hindi siguro para saakin yun. siguro, pasasapuso ko nalang. sabi nga ka kanta diba, "huwag ipilit and hindi para sa iyo". kung saan nalang siya masaya, dun nalang din ako. siguro nga, sa tabi lang niya ako habang buhay. tutulong, kaibigan. masaya na rin yun. lilipas rin to. hindi ko nga inasahan eh, nagtataka nga ako bakit masakit. pero.. ganyan talaga buhay. bahala na si batman. sana alam lang nya.

ayos..

kung sa tutoosin, napapagod narin ako eh. alam nyo yun, kapag mayroon ako, binibigay ko... basta mapasaya ko lang sila. kapag wala na, hindi solusyon umiling. maghahanap ako, basta ikasasaya lang nila. yun lang naman kaligayahan ko eh. makita yung mga mahal ko sa buhay na masaya. hahaha, siyempre pag nakakatulong ka, magaan sa loob. parang heavem tsong.. ibang klase yung pakiramdam. turo yan sakin ng lola ko eh. sabi nya, lahat ng bagay, pag binigay ng kusa, babalik at babalik rin sayo.

tanong lang ah..

kelan ako? kelan yung ako naman yung bibigyan? ako naman sana diba?

asa.

pero sige.. pasasapuso ko nalang. iispin ko nalang, darating rin panahon ko. isang araw, gigising ako na masaya. yung bang... pwede na talaga akong mamatay.

natapilok lang siguro yun.
sayang, ngayon ko lang ulit naramdaman to sa hinabahaba ng panahon. darating rin panahon ko. may magmamahal rin saakin ng todo todo.

parang ganoon.

siguro nga mayroon na, hindi ko lang nakita. pero next time, bubuksan ko na mata ko. ang pagmamahal, natututunan naman yan eh. pag gusto maraming paraan.

hay diyos ko.

2005-04-22T17:04:00.000+08:00

PWEDE NAKO MAMATAY

...as long as i have my two best girls.

for the past few days, i've been spending quality time with these wonderful ladies.

Monday -

we had our 1st date. calamares, strawberry and chocolate shakes, care of my boyfriend---este bestfriend, thea. one word, ROMANTIC (gives me chills) *lol*. thank you dear! cha followed at thea's and had beer. finally! ivan met thea.

and finally... its the three of us AGAIN.
a conversation MORE than YOU can EVER IMAGINE.
thats what happens when good girls go bad.

Tuesday -

thea's place again. this time with ron, ivan, and gj (good friends of cha). may i just highlight this.. "if i can only stop time, i'd freeze that moment forever". kaya lang, hindi naman ako si superwoman eh..

hmmm...

ngayon ko lang nafeel yung kahulugan ng aming pagkakaibigan.

matatag.
masaya.
at higit sa lahat... andito kami para sa isa't isa.

ano pa ba? wala na diba? kaya ngayon, pwede nako mamatay. pero...

wag muna. masaya ako eh. :)

*on the other hand.. namimiss ko tuloy friendships ko.

2005-04-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

DEAREST RON,

since i don't have the guts to tell you tales about my pins and needles, and how two, of the most cruel witches on earth, took my heart away and tore me apart, i will just pen down a little advice YOU DO NOT NEED. i'm perfectly certain that you got the hang of this..but still, i insist. an "intrimidita", like i am, don't take this kind of epidemic for granted. and besides that, i must say "love", is my favorite topic of all time.

so what now? you ask.

i may only know bits and not the whole if it, but i know this...

people get hurt when they love, simply because they love too much. like how black opposes white, there should be something that is contrary to love. obviously, that is hurt. but you know what? there is more to that.

there is hope.

and once you lose hope on the person you are in-love with, its like giving up hope on love. hope, is the motivating force that drives you to love. therefore, you shouldn't put out your white flag and give up. the love that hurts you the most, is the love that is worth crying and worth fighting for. why? because you didn't love if you didn't hurt. so let it burn, rage.. until there's nothing left of you. if you really feel for this girl, then she's worth everything. even the hurting and the blah blah.

can we blame ourselves? love eh.

who cares?
kate.

2005-04-12T15:17:00.000+08:00

WHEREABOUTS

kate's been busy for the past week. it feels good to be reunited with old friends. especially those who are close to your heart.

CHEERS TO FRIENDSHIP!

pugsy, his bestfriend, and i, applied to this call center in shaw. we eventually passed the test and the initial and phone patch interview. our final interview was scheduled yesterday, but unfortunately, we weren't able to make it. don't even ask why.

high paying summer job, tah tah!

great eh? but hey! we still have eastwood.

---

i went to thea's place last friday. my gosh, had fun fun time with my bestfriend. good conversation, smooth drink, a pack of cigarette, and the whole of it was just fun.

the next day, went night swimming with claiza, fitz, april, and kristine at one wilson place. jaime and pabs followed. we watched a couple of movies and went home afterwards.

just so you know, someone made me cry that night.

i will not dwell on the past, and i will not choose to foresee my destiny in the future. what matters most is that i have a hold of myself now. and guess what?

today, i am happy.

2005-04-02T16:48:00.000+08:00

LIES.

the truth will always hurt. that is when dear lie comes to this scene and makes your whereabouts believable. but hey, you can never hide what is obvious right?

so..
when dear lie is undressed,
dear lie will be at fault.
and the truth will prevail.
and when it does,
someone will be hurt.

jayvie and l.a. broke it off (for real) yesterday, when l.a. found out what really happened last saturday.

the rest of the story is better left uncovered.

moving on, had fun at april's debut last night. we were all in a yacht, taking pictures, taking pictures, cruising around manila bay. we went to azuro for her after partey and got really drunk. i had too much to drink, i almost puked at paolo's car.

its been history since i got really wasted. well, i got home in one piece.

weird way to start a hot hot hot summer (literally hot). el nino's killing me.

2005-03-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

DIFFERENCES

"there is a big difference between a love that comes instantly and a love that grows over time" - outback jack (isn't he a cutie?)

that's what i get from watching too much television.

i miss my friends.
i miss my kakangs.
i miss school.

holy week, sorry Jesus, is BORING.

oh well, that's all for now.

2005-03-16T20:21:00.000+08:00

MOVING ON...

take it one step at a time kate.

"mistakes don't mean a thing if you don't regret them". - boom rodas

i see a BLUE BOOK and i SO want to read it right about now.

hey! atleast i have some productive things to do, rather than hiding my own skeleton inside my closet.

my thoughts are reserved for tomorrow.

2005-03-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

ENOUGH?

yes. tama. oo na. true. sige. indeed.

yes. i am a scum. actually, i am even lower than that. because i hate people who hurt me. whatever that makes me, i'll leave it to those who, despite of my imperfections, love me. and for the others who despise who i am, i cant blame them. for its a fact that, people may hate me no matter how i prove them wrong about their misconceptions.

i whole heartedly dedicate this entry of mine to those who are badgering me for the past days i missed checking this site.

thank you for your endless comments. i truly appreciate them all. and yes, you all have succeeded in making me feel miserable. happy? i hope you are! rejoice, you deserve it.

you know what is so funny? they all sound the same. i care less if it all comes down to one person.

2005-03-01T12:29:00.000+08:00

AYOKO NA

i never take sides.
i never do that.
i never get in between two people i value most.
but enough of that.

TUMIGIL KA NA JOSE! TAMA NA PWEDE?!

i will not curse you here. HATE isn't a curse.

2005-02-21T20:01:00.000+08:00

IF I AM ALL IN ONE
a simple something i wrote for kakang cha and her ivan

if i can only fathom the mystery
of how my heart beats for you,
i will.
like how it grumbles in pain when you are in tears
or how it breaks in silence
when you can no longer endure this.

if i can only play a role of an ADVOCATE
so that i can plot a simple message in you,
i will.
to awaken your senses and partake a simple truth
that you are solely
my only refuge.
my security.
and my home of comfort.

if i can only have a chance
to lay on my fingertips
the chaotic road ahead of us,
i will lay you, me, love, and everything BITTERSWEET.
so we would carry the bitterness
that will make everything else nothing but sweet
by means of YOU and I.

if i can only make this simple epistle
right up your ass so i can create an ice breaker
fine!
i will animate it for you.
(what the fuck is that)

i pen this down not to make an impression
but to put in words..
the million smiles you have become in me,
and how you made me smile not for me..
but for you

love will never be just a feeling
nor a decition.
for love is BIGGER than that.

love
is
YOU.

if i am all in one,
i will do all of these beyond its limit.
for i want you to realize what TRUE LOVE is.

that is,

who you are

to me.

2005-02-16T12:04:00.000+08:00

KATE IS HAPPY.

why?

1. thea liked the card. i love you kakang!!!

2. i had fun with jerrick the other night. despite of the bombings, we were able to endure the traffic and ate out. a few chit chats... then he brought me home. the cake was SUPERB. it was precisely the most delicious cake i have ever tasted in my entire life. gosh.

and yes, he was my date.

3. ian FINALLY talked to me. and he FINALLY got himself a one hot chick. (emphasis on that) i'm so so happy for him. we had coffee yesterday and went to G4 to watch MR. DREAMBOY (wala nang ibang mapanuod) with michael.

4. wala lang... i'm just happy... period. and i'm happy the people i love are happy.

2005-02-14T12:42:00.000+08:00

PANAHON NANAMAN NG PAG-IBIG

1st things first... everyone,

happy heart's day.
true love cannot be found where it does not truly exist.
neither can it be hidden where it truly does..
- kissing a fool -

opo, panahon nanaman ng pag-ibig. rosas dito, bulaklak jan, chocolates doon. a million smiles in one day... ika ko nga. ang sarap makakita ng mga taong masaya at nagmamahalan. sana, araw araw ay araw ng pag-ibig.

kung hindi man ako yung nakangiti,
yung mga mahal ko nalang sa buhay.
walang kaplastikan yan.
galing yan tsong, sa kaibuturan ng puso ko.

isang ma-LAKAS at maligayang pag bati muli..
sa lahat ng minamahal, nagmamahal, at nagmamahalan.

FRIENDSHIPS:
i can't express through words how thankful i am of all of you.
maraming salamat!

josie: i love you.. happy heart's day. my valentines day wouldn't be complete without me quoting that here.

2005-02-07T13:40:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS.

love.

...is an over-rated, over-used term of all time.
...is the only word that is the most difficult to define.
...is the only thing that keeps man alive.

LOVE.

is the only GOOD that hurts.

2005-01-26T11:32:00.000+08:00

SHIFTING SAND

lines from caedmon's call

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

stand on grace

---

my faith in you is like a rock...
but sometimes,
no matter how unbreakable my faith is in you,
the currents might tear it apart.
please be fragile...
i can't grasp on it that long.
i'm human, and i am weak.
i hurt.
like everybody else.
share pains with me..
not because you need to.

just be a friend...
and a companion.
like i am to you.

2005-01-17T16:46:00.000+08:00

IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL

it is..

o baka pilipinas lang.

2005-01-12T11:56:00.000+08:00

TO MY BESTFRIEND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
hearts to you

2005-01-05T13:11:00.000+08:00

LITRATO.

every portrait has a story.
yours may differ from the other.
mine may transform it to blank.
if only i can unravel the mystery,
if only we could take a peak of the truth of the untold,
then a picture will never be haunted...
by the choices of life we choose to give.

a portrait will always be a portrait.
mona lisa will always be da vinci's.
and mine, will always be mine..

like yours..
and yours..
yes, including yours.

hindi lahat ng alam natin ay naiintindihan natin. so let's not pretend we know everything when we don't understand the whole of it.

2005-01-03T13:20:00.000+08:00

HEY MR. DJ, PLEASE CHANGE THAT SONG

currently in an internet cafe along padre noval. the person behind "the table" is playing an irritating song. yeah, fuck that.

MOVING ON, classes resumed today. i haven't slept an hour since cha dropped by at my place last night.

good talk.
good shit.
good laugh.
best company.

and you know what? nothing has changed a bit. the connection is still there, and i am thankful for that. it was nice having her hanging around again. i missed her super kaduper. made me miss my two other best girls even more. especially the most valuable one, yeah.. my super connection. *smiles* i helped cha with her GREEN paper for Filipino due on tuesday.

GROSS DECLAMATION PIECE entitled, "langit sa piling ng kuracha". ito'y tungkol sa unan. opo, pillow sa ingles.

pinasatao lang namin.

---

i hope santa will count this on his good-deeds-list this year:

i gave some of my classmates a detailed outline on chapter six today. some of them survived the recitation earlier.

THINGS I DO FOR LOVE.

2005-01-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

and...

HAPEEEEEEEEE BIRTHDAY TIFFANY FREZ! love you girl.

2004-12-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

IT WAS CHRISTMAS

.... when i finally snapped out of it.

it was just psychological when i thought i'd find my inspiration in a man, only in a man. i never thought inspiration can be grasp in people (different kinds). i already found my true inspirations.

it was once upon a time...

...when i made friends

with people.

people who were there for me, christmas or not, broke or broken, famous or infamous. it is a fact that TRUE LOVE isn't just about a man.

it is definitely not.

TRUE LOVE EXISTS IN FRIENDSHIP.

for they love you...
and will love you...

forever...

2004-12-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

world...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2004-12-20T16:52:00.000+08:00

PASKUHAN

my first paskuhan in UST was quite okay. i ran in to some fights with two of my good friends.. sorted it out at the end of the night. the rest of the event was fun. i appreciated RICO BLANCO more. and guess what? i'm now an official fan of river maya after they performed in our school grounds. shit.. he's so hot. BAMBOO, on the other hand, is way hotter(no, his band didn't perform last 16th).

ryn, eliza, jello, and donna didn't make it to our first paskuhan.

i went out with my friends for a few beers afterwards.

17th, december 2004

i had to wake up early for BANTAY PRE-COM CHALLENGE marathon. pucha... 8am to 7pm. wala akong ibang nakita kung hindi basketball, volleyball, basketball players, at volleyball players. muntikan na kami mabaliw ni ate nori, shock, at ni j.p..

Jaja brought me home afterwards.

18th, december 2004

galleria with the happiest person alive, josie. :) we were supposed to catch a movie but we weren't able to make it on time. so we raided the mall... and bonded the whole time. it was a nice talk. a very very nice talk. *smiles*

i went to greenhills to meet up with jerrick and ebak. while jerrick and i were killing time, jay saw me. hilain ba naman ako sa maraming tao?! the nerve man. he wanted me to leave jerrick and spend the rest of the night with him. kapal ng muka. *grrrrrrrrrr*

i didn't.
why would i?
why should i?

okay.. so the whole of it was fun. i'll leave it to that.

2004-12-15T11:34:00.000+08:00

TWINS

before anything else...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOWSIE!!!
hearts to you sweetie
a million smiles in one
I'm forever thankful i met you

happy birthday...

---

ian bought me a small christmas tree! he said it's tiny, but i can still put decors on it. *smiles* at least i have something to get busy with this christmas season. it's my first christmas tree at home. i'll make it grand. hehehehe *grins*

on the not so lighter side, i hate christmas. i have always hated christmas. maybe because christmas with my grandparents is gray. gray-er than dorothy's barn that got sucked by a super tornado...

if only i could put colors on it.

yeah, maybe next year.

2004-12-11T11:12:00.000+08:00

BORED

click here -> donna's debut pictures

2004-12-06T10:23:00.000+08:00

THEY ARE LIKE WINE.

actually, if i was in the real world, i'd associate that wine to these three wonderful ladies. i know i'll be keeping them. if not for the longest time, for the rest of my life.

yes, i'm in c.i. again... mushing.

just like what dan said, when you drink wine, it takes all your inhibitions. it takes away all your fears, your hesitations, everything that pulls you back. these three ladies are like wine. they take everything i'm scared of, and makes me feel better. and god knows, i'm forever thankful.

to thea, danica, and ryn... thanks for being like wine in my life.

i dedicate this entry to you three.

to danica, my bukol lover.

we have shared moments with a couple of beers. and every time, every time we do that... i feel great. i'm thankful thea was transferred in your class. i'm thankful that you sold yakisoba. i'm thankful you're ica's best lady. i'm thankful for all these because these things made me closer to you. and being close to you won me so much in return. friendship. i know our kinds will be too when we're old and married. i will always be happy... having you as my friend.

to ryn, my forever companyera.

it's not just the company dear. it's the whole of it. you know what i mean. now i know why god put me in our section. because of people like you. thank you for always being there... may money man o wala... may tambayan man o wala... may lakad man o wala... boring man o hindi. you're the epitome of fun.... thank you. we will grow old together. right? even after colegio? no, those weren't just questions. i know those are facts. thank you ryn.

to thea, my very best friend.

i know there's a big space in between us. i guess that would have to be our studies. but like what you always say, friendship is not always about how often we are together. but the mere fact that we will forever be friends. i promised you a lot of things before we went college. i promised you that no matter how far we are from each other, i will always be here for you, when you need me. i'm just waiting for you to need me. when that time comes, i will be with you. like i was before. i love you. i hope you know that...

and to my friends...
they say that you should never let a day pass by without saying "i love you" to those you love. i will never.

i love my friends. all of them. and i'm thankful.. especially to these ladies... and to those who are close to my heart.

2004-11-30T13:50:00.000+08:00

DRRRR

tuesdays lunch with ryn and myr. ryn had to go home early. i'm starting to miss that girl. jerick and ebak went to my house to borrow notes for phil hist quiz the next day. we ended up photocopying it in this far away place called national bookstore. how far? FAR.

wednesday was a bore. for the reason that, thea has this thing in school and she couldn't pick me up for some bonding time. sayang. it's all good, the night made up for it.

jerick, ebak and i watched, "the saw". man, the movie was morbid! i didn't like the movie, but the company was worth it. igiboy picked me up afterwards and we went to his friend's pad. two words, real gentlemen.

mark lacson was cute. ig was nice.

THURSDAYS WITH BEBE

it was nice seeing my old teammates again. we had a game against ob's volleyball team. steakjoint afterwards... someone really pissed me off. she always does. sabi nga ni claiza, "manhid naman talaga yun eh, hindi niya nararamdaman na galit tayong lahat sakanya".

ALEXANDER

friday... hmmm. i got excited too much. the movie sucked, but the company was awesome.

FIFTEEN MINUTES

sunday dinner at the fort then tagaytay afterwards with jerick and ebak.

2004-11-20T16:24:00.000+08:00

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

*sings* sponge bob square pants! sponge bob square pants! FUCK. i hate that show.

i have a date with my bestbud next week! and i have a date today. *lol* yeah, with my friends.

i love my friends.

*sings angain* sponge bob square pants.. sponge bob square pants.. SPONGE BOB... SQUARE PAAAAAAAAAANTS! geesh. don't you just hate that show?! sponge sinks? crazy. my sister likes watching it...and we fight everytime.

oh well, i'f you don't.. its okay. people have a right to opinion.

i feel lazy.
blog next time.

2004-11-16T14:15:00.000+08:00

SWEET NOVEMBER

november 13
claiza's birthday at ponti. i really had a blast. it was really nice seeing my good old friends. too bad thei didn't go. kiko, ugz, and nicolai was there also. i thought jr and thei will drop by or something. but they didn't.

anyway, everyone was there except for cara and her mystery man. jayvie was even there, but she was cinderella that time and had to left so sudden. here's the flash... my god, on my way to ian's car, i hit the floor again. this time, my all time crush pierrick saw the whole thing. shit.

what an embarrassment. okay lang.. carry naman eh. hahaha :)

november 14
it's my mothers birthday. i kept praying she's well and sober. i really hope she coasted herself away from narcotics permanently. my last mail to her was really rude. i'm not mad, i shouldn't be. she's still my mother you know. but she's making a mess with her life. i think i still have a right to i have a say about it.

i am still her daughter.

it was claiza's, lei's, and aimi's birthday!! heheh. three in a row. makes november even sweeter.

november 15
i praise the godfather(i'm currently reading it). i respect how he values friendship. like how i value mine. i wish i have my mattresses.

november 16
school school school again. ryn went home early. the day was kind of different without her around. anyway, jec's car got towed. so i went with him, ebak, and my lovey myrrah(his new name given by .. ahem.. me) to get it. then back to ust with kp. i'm glad he's already comfortable with me around.

and now, my lovely twin josie, waited for me to funish org. and here we are... blogging.

2004-11-13T13:19:00.000+08:00

GONUTS DONUTS

fun. fun. fun. should i say funnier? nothing compares to my favorites, accord, and a little rendezvous. i surely enjoyed MARKET MARKET. the donuts were superb, the fort's even better.

i should wear pink more often. it defines a day. hehehe. *smiles*

here i go again. anyway...

when we talk about love and dilemma, there's this familiar question we repeatedly ask ourselves. "to whom do we give our hearts?" to the one we love? or the person who loves us?. i never answered the question. simply because, i don't know the answer.

i have loved and been loved. never at the same time though. i know nothing. none. nada. a headstrong, like i am, will never listen to those who know. therefore, i will never find out. i guess i just have to leave it that way. i'll just follow my feet and do nothing.

sometimes, living a stagnant life is easier. god should've created us with less curiosity. that way, we won't have to ask too many questions and find out too many answers. some answers are out of our league. life is too complicated to fuss about the matter.

so there. what will happen next?

come on kate. you can do better than this.

A LITTLE MATH

hey ryn, i'm beginning to realiza that too. thanks for always being a great company and a friend. i love you! :) matouch ka rin ah!

2004-11-07T17:25:00.000+08:00

VISITING HOURS 2

nov 3
went to school but classes were canceled due to some bullshitting. afterwards, i met up with myr and ian for ceasar's salad, starbucks greenhills. ian dropped us in ust again so we could meet up with my favorite queer, jose. first daughter with my girlguyfriends. :) loved the movie.

nov 4
first day, second semester, nonstop chit chats with my college barkada. easy dancing at room 7, folk dance class. meeting, conference room, org room. ian brought me home. I SAW REJI on the way to the pay parking area!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nov 5
some proffessors actually showed up. cigs with rhyn, jec, and ebak before typing class. lunch at momo's. meeting, conference room, org room. waited for ian to find his keys. we dropped jose home and had pizza for dinner. thanks jose! :) went to blitz and saw blitz people.

nov 6
all our proffesors were visible. no lunch. i bought a bag in greenhills and met up with fitz for lunch. we went to daniel's pad afterwards for a little chit chat. then we went to galleria to meet up with paul. we bought ballerina shoes. fitz went home.

mckinley with l.a., sonnyboy, aye, jaime...et al. i even saw jec jec. went to blitz and saw BEEJAY. claiza and l.a. fetched me for e-lanes. comfort room with claiza and kristine. then home.

today.
my sister and i went to greenhills to buy a few school supplies. saw anton and ger. they hitched with us going to blitz.

and here i am now.

2004-11-02T16:47:00.000+08:00

THAT SOMETHING WE CALL LOVE

what is the name of that something we call love?
who lifts my soul yet pulls my every being
to this black hole of ours.
to whom do i address this something we call love
that makes me surpass the inevitable and leaves me bare.
quickly utter every syllable of it's name,
and i will summon it again and again.
for i am vulnerable to all it's element
that will eventually break what's left in me.
i will take it in.
like taking in pain and letting it sail through my veins.
it's incredibility is the only reason of it all
it is the only the reason for its possibility.

and for me, it is the only reason for living.

what do you call, that something we call love?
that is strongly undivided by its meaning and cause
what is it again?
tell me, that something we call love,
that makes us wander in our dreams with ailing feet,
pushes us to directions that no traveler dares to go
for its destination is misleading and unpredictable.
what is the name of that,
who dares me to endure all these consequences

solemnly whimper it to my ear.
i will hum it endlessly with you, until it hears me.
until each lyric sinks in me.
until i take it in me.
cause if there is a purpose, it is only it.
it is only that bittersweet sound and feel of it
that is only made for my senses.

whatever or whoever it is..
that something we call love,
i am waiting it to come back to me.
i am ready for its unavoidable danger
let it commence..
let it raise me to that undying place
i would not dare to go
i want to be lost, i want it to mislead me.

i will let it wound me, break me, and scar me
all over again.

for what its worth..
is worthy of the pain i'd have to endure.
even for the rest of my natural life.

2004-10-28T16:37:00.000+08:00

VISITING HOURS

sunday
just when i thought my day would be totally dreary, my good old friends claiza, kristine, l.a., and russ visited me. they even brought me sisig rice. *YUMMY* it was superb man. i was touched.. the last time i hang out with these people was jayvie's debut.

heart-lifting.

monday
enrolment day.

i had to endure the sun with my college friends. afterwards, rhyn, francis, ex, michael, and i, watched shark tale. i didn't enjoy the movie. but i enjoyed glorietta and our way home.

balcony with super nice people. it was worth it.

tuesday
home alone.

wednesday
greenhills.

afternoon drinking with danica, ica, and cecile. i have to say that even if the whole lot is nothing but LOVERS in the air.. i enjoyed each minute. there's nothing more beautiful than seeing your friends again. all the hugs and crying were beyond price. it made me fall deeper into love. yeah..

into loving my friends.

*just blogging*

i miss my kakangs.

2004-10-23T13:16:00.000+08:00

greetings.

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TO MY THEI'S SEVENTEEN,
JR JOAQUINO.

HAPPY FLYING TO JUMBI TAN.

CONGRATULATIONS TO THOSE WHO SURVIVED 1ST SEM.

ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KRISTINE CHAN
and NIKKI DU

that's about it...

2004-10-19T17:52:00.000+08:00

AFTERWARDS

If you see that you have become like water,
that my palms can no longer cup you.
dripping away out to the river
of both strange and familiar currents,
then ask me...
i will not freeze you here.

or if you would rather stray away
from the pastures where i keep you,
if you ache and break for tales
i could never have told or known,
though you are the only one i shepherd,
i will let you race
until you have satisfied your life's story.

and i will be sitting here
where you have always known me to be,
just waiting for the right moment
for you to remember
that i too ache and break
for the stories you've never told,
hoping to unravel how your heroes
constantly draw you away..
away from this unchanging place.

so that perhaps, you would realize
how slowly i am becoming the myth
in this poignant story of ours.

i have kept faith
and borne myself into this gray state
with your every leaving.
desperately hoping that after the sun sets down
and bathes crimson on your epic setting,
you would not forget
to go home..

and spend the night with me..
your friend.

i am sorry.
there's no purpose for shitting here.

2004-10-13T09:18:00.000+08:00

RANDOM

the heart does things for reasons.
the heart does not require.
love is inevitable to those who wait for the right moment.

whatever happened to time and patience...

anyway.

i have been cleaning the ORG ROOM for three straight days. no matter how i sweep the floor, fix the files, and do bullshitting, our table still looks like pasig river.. only dry. right about now, i'll be there with dimples doing the whole lot. hopefully, the power of two makes difference.

just plugging...

i heard ian and michaels version of "take me away"... and you know what? it really took me away when i heard it. if only i can do magic with these keys and monitor... i could have attached a sound file so everybody who gives a shit can hear it.

its good.
god damn it..
it's so good.

plugging again...

white chicks is a must see movie.

boredom knock knock knocking on kate's door....

yeah.. what the hell am i doing inside the comfort room wearing shades. ang araw araw. *lol*

hehehe... uy si ate pa cute

2004-10-10T18:18:00.000+08:00

I AM

bored.
bored.
broke.
broke.

nothing can get any better than this.

2004-10-07T16:47:00.000+08:00

KEEPING THE FAITH.

i wonder why time flies so fast, that it always, always.. misses the better of IT.

today marks the end our first semester. and for the first time, i am confident with our final tests today. considering that i failed philosophy in the first hell quarter, i am hopeful that i made a come back earlier. i must say, god is good (HE ALWAYS IS) for he knows i suck in FALLACIES. what's the catch? there is no single word in that test paper that says, "FALLACY". yeah, time to rejoice.

i still wonder if it's me or luck.

it is! it is...

...the perfect time to rest. better yet, ready myself from the consequences of my heedlessness. YES, the thought of my grades will haunt me to sleep. i have never been this uneasy before. SHIT. this is irritating. kind of feeling "KP" in bad way. *LOL*

oh well, it's my bad anyway.

sheeesh.
i really do hope prayers help.
i really DO hope it's all a matter of having faith.
if not in me..
then in him.

2004-10-05T13:22:00.000+08:00

MI ULTIMO ADIOS MY ASS

we just had our RIZAL COURSE and NATURAL SCIECE finals a couple of hours back. i only memorized 4 out of 27 stanzas of Rizal's "MI ULTIMO ADIOS". To think, the poem is 25% of the exam.

just a thought...

DEDO na si RIZAL.

why the hell do we have to familiarize ourselves with his pathetic poetries anyway!? maiintindihan ko pa kung kailangan nating malaman yung buhay nung gagong yun. pero YUNG MGA TULA? come on man... phoniness aside, it doesn't even interest half of the student populi. for god's sake! let's just leave that makatang impotent alone! I SO SO SO want to kill that fucking HOMO again! you see, instead of being an inspiration... he's making me want to comit a henous crime. i'm talking about MURDER here.

sorry for the impolite words. ranting about his fucking GOODBYE PIECE is just a waste of time and energy.

pero kung mag susummer ako ng dahil kay rizal, tangina... gulo to. aawayin ko talaga yung rebulto nun. I SWEAR. magtatayo pa ako ng UNION OF RIZAL HATERS at mag strastrike ako sa harap ng DECS.

2004-10-02T11:28:00.000+08:00

MALIGO KA SA ULAN.

clash to an openness.
witness its passiveness and vastness,
caress each droplet,
hold it as if there is a dash of solidity in it.
be the surface. feel the spirit. feel the impact.
at least you are happy for a while.
at least you are free for a while.

dance the tango alone and solitary.
swing your body to the beat,
you need no music..
the mist, you, and chemistry are enough.
push your limits. take your chances. make time your own.
at least you are happy for a while.
at least you are free for a while.

let raindrops fall on your head.
let teardrops roll down your face.
rush to the teary sky.
mourn. jump for joy. dance with it.
at least you are happy for a while.
at least you are free for a while.

maligo ka sa ulan...

let it hit you.
let it push you.
let it hurt.

you will be happy.
you will be free.

tomorrow you will wake up SATISFIED

2004-09-25T14:32:00.000+08:00

escaping abyss

i have been in a roller coaster ride for nineteen years and counting. it is indeed a roller coaster ride. life, that is. the urge of giving up is here.. i might as well throw out everything there is. however, it is always easier said than done. i should have escaped hell a long time ago. but i didn't. i wasn't able to. perhaps i don't want to. i do feel that i want to receive satisfaction from it, even if it makes me sick.. even if it makes me crumble and cry sometimes. champions are risk takers right? SO WHY NOT?

i always tell my friends that our lives have a deeper meaning, a certain purpose. actually, as a result of boredom, i have already thought of the few people i live for. my purpose for living are the people i love most. it is always them. it is never i.

tanong lang ah... kaya bakit ganoon? kung mawawala lang rin naman pala sayo, ano pa ang dahilan ng pamumuhay mo? ano pa ang dahilan ng pamumuhay ko?

yes, i know.
promises are made to be broken.
perhaps i'm just jealous.
but hey, you're still my bestfriend.
nothing has changed.
not even a bit.

2004-09-22T13:13:00.000+08:00

TO BITS AND PIECES.

this is about a man.
who gazes to an empty space
his features are complimented
by the shades of colors and light.
the wind touches his hair.
so softly, that it moves with grace.

he speaks.

his words hurt me.
then i grasp for a little air.
pretending to grin in stupor.
i hurt again.
by my own response,
by my feel good sentiments.

he puts his arm around my shoulder.

it feels good for the warmth and flattery it brings.
but it doesn't feel right.
it is never right.
i hurt again.
by my own reactions
by my feel good sentiments.

perhaps he loves me.

it's not supposed to hurt.
its just an empty space.
waiting to be occupied
by my bits and pieces.

2004-09-20T13:24:00.000+08:00

CHANGING CHANGES.

it saddens me how people and things change. friends, family, age, weight, personality, relationships... i guess change really is a constant thing in this world. i hope i can change change fairly... rather change change the way it used to be before it changed (me, redundancy, and egoism). for an instance...

my relationship with my bestfriend.
my relationship with my dad.
me love and the one i love.

i suppose changes can never be altered whenever we want to.. whenever we need to.

everything changes once in a while.
what can we do about it?
what can i do about it?

nothing i guess?.

-----

good news, we won our championship game last saturday.

bad news, no more volleyball again till next year.

GRR.

2004-09-14T13:47:00.000+08:00

AND SO WE DID.

yeah, eliza and i did it last saturday. despite of the butterflies in our stomach, we did what we should do... sing our hearts out in front of speculators not more than 600. there was no standing ovation. there were only cheers from our dear friends and classmates. i guess every little thing turns into magic when you have your friends smiling back at you while your knees are struggling from nervousness.

i feel loved.
hail to you guys.

sometimes, it feels great to offer help and get one in return.

-----

the world is asleep...
i am not.
observant, i am.
feeling crushed from everyone's pain.
sometimes i wonder.
if i should be happy..
feeling everybody else but me.

2004-09-10T10:39:00.000+08:00

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY...

a dalmatian with 30 spots definitely differs from a dalmatian with 29 spots. why don't you go back and figure it out? An idea will never be an imitation. don't you see the transformation?

contrast, compare...
what the ffff! who cares right?!
mine's an idea..
yours is respected.
end of story.

HEY.
no one said you are.
it's just in your mind.
like always.

-----

my mood is just right for the ambiance.
i think.

ica and dan... i'm so sorry i can't make it tomorrow. ice monster will so happen sometime next week.

can't wait. :)
i miss you guys!

-----

tomorrow is BIG BIG day for us...

guess who's singing "every little thing"....

we actually made it in the Acoustic contest.
a LAUGHING MATTER indeed.

oh so?
cacarereen ko na to tsong!
heheheh *winks

2004-09-07T14:38:00.000+08:00

TODAY.. i'm falling head over HEELS AND BUTTHEAD..

except that, I WAS GRILLED. oh, WE WERE GRILLED. inside a grill resto.

thank you for the wonderful lunch.
i linger each minute.
heaven on earth PARE!
now i know there is a little gentleness in you.

*grins*

-----

I KNOW.

my incapacity of recognizing my reactions toward other people's feelings is irritating me. i cannot say i don't know how to recognize who likes whom. its just that, i'm not proud. i am flattered, but never proud.

i hate pride.

anyway...
maybe.. just maybe..
i'm somewhere in the middle of something i know, but i don't know.
or something that i know, but i don't want to know.

if you know what i mean.

*smiles*

2004-09-04T18:25:00.000+08:00

TODAY... i had fun.

today was a good day for firsts. first time to have lunch with jerick, yu, and erbel. first time to hang out with them outside our classroom. MAN! it took us what? five months?

If i am to define the meaning of today.. it would be, FUN. yeah, FUN.

rendezvous with tito dek afterwards.
no province today.
I didn't have the chance to see X.

oh well, everything happens for a reason.

MOVING ON...

ryn, myr... i'm in LOVE.
in LOVE with today.
harharhar. :)

TODAY... i missed ICE MONSTER.

i missed ice monster with dan, ica, thea, albert, and miguel.

sayang. perpecto na sana yung araw.

oh well, there's always a next time.
i miss you guys.

2004-09-01T15:15:00.000+08:00

once upon a time... there was a girl...

and she was there.
for me.

i guess that was once upon a time...

i never thought i would lose her.
did i?

oh god, i hope not.
not this girl.

P.S.

there's something wrong with the pictures. i can't open my account in photobucket.
DARN IT.

2004-08-28T13:20:00.000+08:00

PROPER DECORUM

not that i'm perfect or anything, but composure and refinement should be in our "must-practice" list in our everyday lives.

i know because i saw.
i know because i was irritated.
and i know because i care.

i hate to step on to somebody's foot here... but MAN! you crossed the line. i can take jokes, i always do. But there is a big difference between making fun and having fun.

did you hear me laugh?
DO YOU GET THAT?!
i hope you do.
please listen when i say "enough".

-----
yesterday, i went to Rob Place Manila with Ryn, Francis, and Eliza... Jeric and company tagged along. Actually we just had a few chit chats at some jap resto. Eliza bought a gift for her bestfriend's debut. At ako ay...

NAG FEELING! uy, sino yung babae sa mirror?! Si RYN ba yun?!

nag pa cute na hindi nagmukang cute! tsk.. sayang.

ANYWAY.
I read...
i was flattered.
REALLY.

2004-08-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

boy friend.

friendship is the foundation of love. am i right? so does that mean you can still be friends with your past beau after a break up?

YES.

proven.
&
tested.

i am happy i am still friends with the people i used to be in love with. I guess friendship remains regardless of the adversities of a relationship.

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS
trite but true.

*i am thankful for Ian and Ruffi who, despite of the weather, made my day.

the ambiance today was heavy. but a FEEL of good friendship caused overwhelming joy.

i swear.

2004-08-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

TIME Management.
Managing TIME.
Manage my TIME.
Managing MY TIME

it goes around in circles, but i can't seem to get a hang of it. How can I manage TIME if I don't have any?

FIGURE IT OUT KATE!

my head officer is quitting for good. They're talking shit about promoting me. i'm not ready for promotions. i will never be ready for bigger responsibilities.

or should i?

-----

i got a flat 1 and a 1.75 in my P.E. practical examinations.
You see, God IS good.
i'm starting to appreciate goodness in people.
kudos to eric for SWINGING me to the top.

i hate dancing...
but what the hell! Sir gave a flat one!
1 matters.

*do i get a free lunch for that?... LOL*

2004-08-21T09:42:00.000+08:00

Before I rant, like I always do, a few of shout-outs...

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST KAKANG CHA and my YAGBALLS!

and

a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAMES DOMINGO!

I love you guys.

there you go...

hell week last week.
I am so so glad the Pageant's over.

here are some funny lines from the contestants..

Q: Hey, How are you?
A: Of course!

another one...

Q: Who inspires you the most?
A: Pardon the question?

last..

Q: If you get stranded in an Island ALONE... What are the five things you will bring with you to survive?
A: A BIBLE. I know it's a boring book, but it will help me spiritually, emotionally, and PHYSICALLY(wtf?!)

you can't blame them...
ICH DA BUTTERPLIES. ICH DA BUTTERPLY.
IN DER STOMACH. IN DER STOMACH.
you see what butterflies can do to you?
BEWARE OF BUTTERFLIES!
SHOOO! SHOOO!

NEXT ATTRACTION: EPOCH and COMMERCE WEEK. I'm beginning to hate school. Oh wait, let me rephrase that... I hate school. I just hope all our hard work will pay-off at the end of the day. We deserve a little appreciation. I deserve a little of that. On the brighter side, being pre-occupied refrains you from thinking bullshit.

EUREKA!
i found an aid to my BULLSHITNESS.
nyeh.
big bonus for me.

moving on...

Basketbolistas around the clock. I have never seen so many celebrities before. I am actually starstrucked most of the time in school. Yesterday, my good lord, we saw Francis Allera... shoot! he's too HOTTTT to handle. SHYET. muntikan nakong matapilok. tsk... swerte ni eliza.

FUN time is over.
more updates soon.

2004-08-16T21:20:00.000+08:00

busy day today.

i was engaged in a lot of activities today.. that includes FUCKER-social dancing. i wasn't able to spend time with my college friends due to the preparation for the MMPP. August and September are fully loaded already. i have no idea if i'll be able to find a little time for liesure.. or a little time for myself.

gosh, it's time to lose weight.

i went to jayvie's dubut last saturday. it was grand. it was nice seing my old high school friends. only that, everyone seems so distant. maybe because the last time i bonded with them was graduation. when school started, i didn't get the chance to spend time with them anymore.

that explains everything.

the best thing about saturday was danica, thea, jayvie, pabs, jaime and company, claiza and the girls, and of cors my C classmates. i was just kind of dissapointed cause danica and thea left suddenly.

oh well...
i can't grab time and make it my own.

2004-08-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

have you seen an angel without her wings?

she can never fly without her wings...

she can never go to places, she can never embrace the heavens and feel the breeze of the sky that surrounds her. she will never feel complete nor contented.

have you seen the sky without it's heavenly bodies?

if the sky is empty...

what's the beauty of it? what will be the mystery behind it's glow?

have you seen the vast ocean free from the shades of green and blue?

transparently annoying...
dull...
and unhappy...

oh wait---

have you seen me lately?

---

twin, danica, ica, tiffy, myr.... thank you. i guess everything happens for a reason... i am the one to blame.

2004-08-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm dancing and drowning at the same time. I'm out of air , but i'm moving. I wish there's two of me to make the craziest things done.

same difference.
same bull.

2004-08-11T16:57:00.000+08:00

PRELIMS RESULTS
so far... so good.
except MATH.
fuck MATH.

okay, IT'S RANT TIME. RANT RANT RANT.

i'm beginning to think he's toying with my emotions. one minute he's sweet... and the next, he acts as if i'm "the worst girlfriend alive" (which i think i am). every time... after a fight or a misunderstanding, he wants to get rid of me.

JUST LIKE THAT.

He doesn't even want to listen to my sentiments about the problem. when he feels like dropping the bomb, he drops it without caution.

and i get hurt.
and he doesn't care.

i hate it when he acts like he doesn't care.
it's making me nuts.
i hate it more when i say sorry even if it's not my fault.
it's making me nutsER.
i hate it when i get hurt.
who doesn't right?

stupid stupid me.
why did i even ask..

2004-08-08T15:06:00.000+08:00

"only lovers know what their love is"

may it be for the reason of angst.
may it be for the sake of loyalty.
may it be an effect of inspiration.
may it be of her sweet surrender.

may it be because of his kindness.
whatever it is.
whatever may be the reason for love...

however you would want to describe it.
with anger.
with admiration.
with abhor speculation.

it is only HIM,
HER,
and LOVE.

nothing else matters.
for now.

---

AHEM. on, the other hand...
LOVE differs from ATTRACTION.
oh good lord, may i commit a sin?

lookie lookie!
the only guy.
i am frantically allured to.
shyeeet.
seeing him..
always makes me want to take a piss.
for an instance...
right about now.

2004-08-07T12:06:00.000+08:00

I'm currently seizing jae's computer..

it's supposed to be a rest day. I decided to come along with my sister to her best bud's pad instead of bumming like a hog at home. It's nice seeing jae's family. So liberated. So happy.

we just finished watching "the girl next door". And yes, I saw a lot of tits this morning. I am a sinner. Oh well, I have tits too you know! *giggles* the movie was unlikely all those teenager movies we see every two months. It was sweet. Adult material, But sweet. I'm actually crushing on the lead geek.

I'm savoring the second day of my five day vacation. Cha and I were supposed to catch a movie yesterday. Unfortunately, she couldn't miss practice. So jose, my superman, and myself watched Garfield.

Everything seems okay.
I enjoyed yesterday, enjoying today..
I wonder what will happen tomorrow?

me?
excited?
HELL YEAH!
vacation comes once in a lifetime.

Dan, I love you.
Karen, screw that asshole. He aint worthy of your worrying. Hey, josh loves you!

jae, i'm giving it back. thank you dear! *winks*

2004-08-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

she...

loves.
is blinded by love.
is in love.
falls in love everyday.

is she loved?

stupid love.
killing her..
at the same time..
making her happy.
that's all she needs.
HAPPINESS.

I survived...

the last day of our prelims, metrobank and icebergs with ryn (thank you dear! I love you. I mean it), coffee indulgence with ryn, myr, lori, and donna, org room and SM MANILA with james and myr...

Thank you god, I survived today.

5 days of freedom starts now.
that means...
procrastinating starts today as well.
REJOICE. REJOICE.

2004-08-02T12:36:00.000+08:00

My brain is starting to torment me.
Can someone please hit me with a hammer?
I need a peaceful mind.
I need it now.
Peace, that is.

she is happy today.

she found contentment with what she possess.. Very unusual. Yesterday, she asked for love. The other day, she asked for acceptance. Everyday but today, she asked for more. I see her smile. I see her laugh.

I wish today never ends.
I wish today never ends.

nonetheless, two pieces are missing...
peace.
and
her.

today ended.

jealous.
someone took my place already.
i'm happy..
but jealous.

do you see the diversity?

2004-07-31T19:16:00.000+08:00

prelims starts on Monday... And I'm still blogging instead of studying. ryn and I need to get a perfect score in math...

I am flunking.
Tuesday is a chance day.

I hate numbers.
fuck numbers.

EMONGSTERS GOING TO TUTOR ME.
right emong?!

I miss thea.
I miss cha.
I miss jayvie.
turned down an invite from cha and jose today..
yeah.. I suck!
math is the only thing I can think of now...

MATH MATH MATH.

2004-07-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

A MUSHY ENTRY

was like all my old days.
annually...
it gets worse and better at the same time.
it gets worse for the same reason why it gets better.
my friends..

as always, nanay made me cry...
as always, they made me feel better.

I extend my gratitude to those who made me feel better despite of all the bad things that happened to my day...

to PETER PARKER, who saved my cellphone from TONDO. To my dear CLASS BARKADA (MYR, RHYN, ELIZA, JELLO, LORI, JEANESSSE, DONA) who gave me tini wini's, a cake, and hello panda's (i now have a lifetime supply of food to feed my hunger during class hours), and flowers na napunta kay Mrs. Raquepo. to my PRE-COM FAMILY, who planned something for me (na sinayang ko dahil hindi ako pinapasok ng aking magandang lola).

to my dear OB BARKADA, FRIENDS, CLASSMATES, BLITZ FRIENDS, my OLD TEAM, who did not forget to spare a little of their time to text me.

to MY TWIN, who walked just to give me a greeting card. to TIFF.. girl, my phone was not with me when you called. I'm so sorry... to DANICA, ICA, MILE... alam nyo na.. salamat *hug*. To my KAKANGS (happy birthday to jayvie!!!).

to MY SISTER and JAY, who was there to help me carry my burdens.

to MY BESTFRIEND... Who made me burst into joyful tears. it's okay.. I know you do. your mission was accomplished. It was beautiful because of you. That's all I needed to know. NO BULL.

and lastly, to MY FAMILY.. For doing nothing.

-----
I may not feel the thing we call "love" at home..
but I feel the thing we call "love" in my friends.

as a matter of fact, I feel it now.
and it makes me want to cry..

2004-07-26T18:36:00.000+08:00

made it to school today.

exhausting..
the elevator kick ass.
old and rusty.. but it rocked today.

saw a thousand smiles..
made my day.

I realized something good despite of what happened to me last Friday.... I realized that I am blessed with great friends.

you know who you are...

thank you.

the clock is ticking..
I'm going to turn nineteen at midnight...
nineteen at age...
thirteen at heart.

hehehe :)
I know..

BULLSHIT. *winks*

I hate it when it's "the" day.
I hate it when it's my day.
oh well...

life goes on.

2004-07-24T18:35:00.000+08:00

I wasn't trying to kill myself.

I fell off our window not because I wanted to end my life.

no severe bone fractures.
slightly broken hips.
wounded body.
i have no idea why i have to wear this neck brace.

I am suicidal.
but I'm not stupid.

I was even suspected of getting something that isn't mine. Thank god, she found it... I just hope she realizes how she damaged my heart. How they damaged me for not believing me.

fatal than death. painful than my hips.

what goes around.. comes around.
you ate your words nanay.
buti nga..

I can move now..
I can move my legs..
Yeah, god loves me.
wala ako ni isang sugat sa muka.
sa ulo nga lang.

thank you karen, jay, james, claiza, fitz, twin, pre-com org, my class barkada, my blitz barkada.. And all of those who texted me.. And visited me at the hospital.

thanks for mending my emotions.
what a pleasant birthday gift..
I couldn't ask for more.

2004-07-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

Next Attraction: Preliminary Exams

Like what Danica posted.. "i haven't passed a single quiz", I got lucky once or a couple of times. I guess I have to attend to my studies before anything else. Prelims are my only chance.

books before org.
books before boys.
books before sleeping.

I'm glad that my bestfriend is having a blast in school. She's always good in time management. I'm happy that she won great friends. I just wish that this GAP between us won't outgrow the framework of what we have started. Me, her, Jayvie, and Cha.

i feel like she's slipping away.

away from me..

i feel like i'm slipping away from everybody else.

my family.
my friends.
my loved ones.

I wasn't expecting this org thing would change my life... and the way I'm enduring it everyday. It changed every bit and pieces of me.

no time for regrets. just give your all.. it will pay-off sometime soon.

i hope and i pray..

i try not to believe otherwise. cause if i do.. everything will be worthless.

like me.

2004-07-16T19:06:00.000+08:00

i left me to myself..Alongside with pain.
pain is becoming my constant companion.
misery that surpasses comprehension.
it's okay.
it's always okay.
this is my choice.
tonight is not the time to dwell on my feelings again.
July will always be July.

moving on..

I have a fever..
tanginang sipon to..
I'm sleepless.
stressed.
groggy in school.
SPORTS FEST TOMORROW.
game on Sunday.
work. work. work.
when will it stop?
oh wait..
when will he stop?

when will he start to compromise with me and my time? I just hope he realizes that I am dead tired to entertain his pms-ing. Where the hell did comfort go? Why do I have to explain everything.. Everyday? Why is he always doubting me while I am working my ass off to excel in school? Why do I have to say sorry all the time even if I didn't do anything wrong?

you know what?

nothing..

I want to cry.
but I'm too tired to cry.

so many why's..
so little time..

2004-07-15T15:40:00.000+08:00

what's the MATTER with you?!

it doesn't matter to her..
so why should it matter to me?

it matters.
because she matters.
i just hope you're reading this.

you matter.
we matter.
let's not forget that.

-----

we just had a photo shoot earlier for our org.. flooded place. the water subsided momentarily. so everything went cool. like the hot breeze outside this cafe. :) except for my haggard face, stressed eyes, and many more. i haven't had a good rest this past few weeks.

but then again.. nothing matters to me at this moment. (except her and the other girls)

not even my picture.

for the first time in my life, something actually hindered me from being vain.

STRESS.

2004-07-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

I am as white as black.

as thin as the cold air..
my reflection is killing me..
everyday.

I should have done this
I could have done that..
too late for regret.
I am what I am now.

Kate.. Be thankful..
you are you.
a psychotic garbage..

I'm fed up with anxiety.
and blessed with friends..
but lost a few.

troublesome questions...
pestering my head.

loving it.
and hating it at the same time..

schizo like joan of arc.

2004-07-09T22:18:00.000+08:00

I am so lucky I took French lessons during senior year.
Mrs. tisha monfort is my superwoman for the day.
saved me from MATIAS.
yes, he again..
no show for superman.

July..
9 and counting..
soon I will be old.
last days of being a teen.
how will it be?
nothing great I guess.
here is Kate in her pessimistic mode.
broke as hell.
saw Ian yesterday.. And his guitar.
missing his voice.
haunting me.

pre-com organization is like a ten pound dumbbell in my school bag. Everything seems to pull me down. But I am enjoying it. I don't know why.. But I am enjoying being pre-occupied. atleast in that way, i have no time for pondering.

no time for no one.
no time to sleep.
no time for math and Ms. Chan.
no time for leisure.
no time for old friends.
no time for siesta.
no time for myself

on the brighter side of life...
I'm smiling 24/7.

is that a good thing?

2004-07-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

good news.. I'M IN!!

yes.. I got in. They put me in a different position. I was applying for assistant secretary, but in the long run.. I ended up in the sports commissioner under secretariat position. I wasn't expecting anything.. I guess that justifies the out of this world feeling.

yeah, the way I feel right now.

Ate krissy (the secretary), talked to me after the meeting. She mentioned that she bet me for her under secretariat(touch ako super)... but it's always the majority that wins.

I guess this is what god planned for me.

and I am happy!!! JAYSON'S MY BOSSING! :)

and to my friend... I heart you.

2004-07-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

baila.. tan tanan tanana... Dirty dancing..

if someone actually gives a shit, I got flat 1 in my soc dance last Monday. weeepeeeh! It only proves I have a right foot.. And my left's just fine. The fuss in the buss is worth it.

Mr. Matias gave me a zero in our recitation the other day. For the reason that, I was reviewing math before he came in the classroom. That was BEFORE he went in the classroom. He saw the book on top of my table and said, "this is not math class". GOD! For crying out loud, I am not planning to read that DURING his time!

yeah I know.
what the fuck.
he's nuts.

I'm too worn-out to go on and rant about something dreary.
maybe next time.

2004-07-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

ped xing.. Now I know what it means..

PEDESTRIAN CROSSING! bobo ko talaga.. ngayon ko lang nalaman.

Long day today, tiring as usual. I didn't attend commerce volleyball training. I think I cannot handle the load anymore. So I'll stick with pre-com team and enjoy my free time.

having fun is a fundamental need in my life. I need fun. My life's turning gray. In all aspects, that is.

a bad day for firsts.

I had my first long commuting trip today. We had to go to my P.E. classmate's pad to practice for our practical examination in soc dance tomorrow. *ahem* she lives in LAS PINAS. Two traveling hours from UST... And three traveling hours to get me home. That is in a commuting based observation.

Manila's pollution SUCK.

Atleast I know what PED XING means. *giggles* Thanks to Eric and Naomi :)

2004-07-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

pluck me off from this agony
i have nothing to fill the space between
i racked my brain solemnly and gradually..
but everything remains the same
it is complex
it's complexness is difficult to handle
to bear and to defeat.
i fear that time may subdue my patience
then tomorrow, i am left with nothing
pull me..
hold me..
convey me to where i should be.
this place.. my place
that place is not meant for me.
or is it?

2004-06-30T17:03:00.000+08:00

ano nauna? manok o itlog? ... syempre manok!

I had my second interview for the Pre-Com Society Organization earlier this afternoon. I was a bit laid back compared to the first one. The questions were different.. they even changed the location to a more spacious one. I saved a portion of it for excessive breathing..

and it felt good.

I did better..

and it felt good.

Actually, it won't matter to me if they don't pick me. What matters most is that I was able to express myself in the best possible way i could. For the first time in my whole life, I am proud of myself. That is in the present tense... It's still lingering in my head.

i have nothing to ponder on anymore.. everything seems to be satisfactory.

i am satisfied.

oh, by the way.. MR. NO-ONE-IS-ABOVE-ME MATIAS made me cry today. shet sha.

2004-06-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

and... one.. step.. two.. punch! 5.. 6.. 7.. and twist..

I'm not exempted in my social dancing yet. I really hope classes will be over soon. I didn't know line dancing would be this hard. I already took the basics back in the 7th grade with Mr. Quiambao. May seven versions pala yun. May nalalaman pang chiken dance ah. shyet. I'll never be good in dancing. I hate dancing.

No show for Mr. Matias. Yeah.

I saw Henrica today!!!
***
NIKEE.., the present girlfriend of my ex, texted me today. We are now in good terms. Except for the fact that her friend is harassing me day and night. My business is with Nikee.. Not with her.

QUESTION #1. Why can't other people mind their own business?!
QUESTION #2. Why cant she leave me alone?!

QUESTION #3. Why Kate Cruz is inferior:
a. Nikee's friend asked her to check the mirror.
b. She feels ugly.
c. She feels fat.
d. She's waiting to die.
e. All of the above.

ANSWERS:
#1: _____
#2: _____
#3: e

what's left in the good of her?
nothing.

tanginang yan. hindi makuha sa matinong usapan. mahirap ba intindihin ang sinasabi ko? uulitin ko ah..

FYI: I am over Christian Mccaw. period.

2004-06-27T19:44:00.000+08:00

Sunday.

Still, no maids.. naaawa na talaga ako sa lola ko. She does all the housework. From laundering, cleaning, cooking... grabe.. kinareeer na nya ang pagiging ilaw ng tahanan. Karen and I do all the ironing. She doesn't want me to laundry my clothes. hindi daw kasi ako marunong. I want to learn. Bat ba?!

Earlier, we had this event in school. It's called, "race to lead". It's an amazing race motivated activity for the sorted applicants of the Pre-com Organization's "Quest for officers". Good thing, it didn't rain. It was fun.. We were able to intermingle with our batchmates from different sessions. Besides that.. The whole lot about our activity was strenuous. It's more of a running version of our campus tour. I met new people! Oh happy me.

go there..
go here..
find the clue here..
missing puzzle is there...

At the end of the show, my team was placed second among four teams. We were the first to finish. But unluckily, we missed a lot of clues and we weren't able to complete the puzzle.

-----
just to remind you again...

for my bestfriend.

a million smiles in one.
like verses in songs.
written to captivate a moment.
written to ease mine.
a million thanks to comfort.
like cushions in a sac.
made to bring me joy.
when I'm hurting.
when I'm happy.
especially when I'm sad.
a million apologies to dispute.
like needles prick to beauty.
it doesn't change anything.
as long as friendship lasts.
a million friends in one.
perfect yet imperfect.
but that's the beauty of it all.
that's why you are there.
I am here.
you're my bestfriend.
thank you thea..
I miss you.

2004-06-25T16:04:00.000+08:00

my back hurts. i was late in school again. yeah.

nag spiderman nanaman mga katulong. kelan ba kami magkaka katulong na hindi tatakas?! sinunug pa yung skirt ko. nag-iwan ng remembrance. muka tuloy akong may bubble gum sa pwet noong isang araw.

nakakaawa lola ko. kaya ako naglaba ng daster nya kagabi. pero inulit nya.. hindi ko daw binanlawan. aba.. malay ko ba na kailangan banlawan yun ng 5 beses. ako pa nagplancha. pano wala pang makuhang katulong. 4 silang nag spiderwoman. kinalahati ko pa daw yung downy. nangamoy downy nga ako eh.

hay susan!

ang sakit ng balakang ko. pati legs at shoulders. nabigla ako nung volleyball practice.

mamaya... ganoon ulit.

dyos ko!

2004-06-22T22:29:00.000+08:00

Dead Tired. Exhausted. Wearied. Ready to drop.
from school.
from walking.
from listening.
from observing.
from the campus tour.
from everything.

We had our Orientation today. Nine hours of boredom, entertainment, and UST walls.. The weather was very unpredictable. One minute we were all sweating like stinky pigs, after the next, we were all soaked from the rain. Hey, our uniform is colored WHITE for crying out loud. I even forgot to bring my umbrella.

fun-tiring day..
sundry guapos. papalicious. hotties.
beautiful ladies lurking.
green-eyed Kate.

May nag perform kanina. Guitarista.. kaboses ng vocalist/keyboard ng southboarder. Kumanta ng "Rainbow" at "Kahit kailan". Infairness, kahit hindi sha gwapo, mataba pa. HEAVEN ON EARTH PARE! na in love ako. ATENISTA. Plus a thousand pogi points for you man!

buti nalang hindi bumaha. sayang.. may baon akong tsinelas.

2004-06-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

relieving. Thank you. Thank god. I love you. you know that.

yes, I was late in class again. Good thing, I was only late for thirty minutes. I missed PGC. Darn it. It's my favorite subject. That's because, I'm loving the professor. So fluent. So precise. I idolize her.

MR. MATIAS was quite behaved earlier in class. Except for his untamed sarcasm. He kept on embarrassing the whole class. I thought he'd turn the heat on me again. But luckily, he gave me a day off. Lucky lucky!

A million thanks to Emong for killing six hours of his time to wait for my PE class to finish. I desperately needed company. I don't know what I would do without Jose and Emong. I can't just experiment on commuting again. I have learned my lesson and learned it in a humiliating way.

ayoko na maulit yun. ano ako.. tanga?!

moreover, I also want to thank my dearest pare for buying me a pepper spray. Yeah. For my own protection. :) thanks pare!! I love you!!

jay's homework. jay's paperwork. jose's paperwork. my homework.

what homework?!

life just gets better and better everyday.

2004-06-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

finally.
I'm loving ust.
Except for the heat.
and my a-hole English professor.

I tried out for the pre-commerce volleyball team earlier today. And I'm going to train for the commerce team. It's good to play again. I itched this feeling for quite sometime. It's been a whole summer since I last digged a volleyball. beautiful. My feet had a hard time moving though.

fortunately..
they got me! :)
I can breathe now.
I thought I'd never play volleyball again.
yeah.
I craved this feeling.
I miss my old team!
I miss sir.

---
on the darker side of life

some insane lady texted me yesterday concerning her beau. she said something about me stealing him from her... and that i am a big whore... she even said "maluwag na daw yung ANO ko"(excuse me for the phrase).. and pretended she knows everything about me. tsss. yeah right.

excuse me..
of all the guys i dated (you can still count them with your fingers)... i never stole anyone from anybody. i'm still a virgin. not that it's a big factor for me, but i am.. and i should be given credits for that.

i have a perfect hunch who that big insecure witch is. she crossed that fine line. *hah* i'm over him you know. he's yours. kung gusto mo... kahit pang habang buhay pa. i don't love him anymore. thank god.

have you heard the saying.. "it takes a bitch to know one?"

---
looki lookie! i'm in uniform! :)

2004-06-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

MR. MATIAS.. Strikes AGAIN!
wait till it's my turn.

I was too perky in class, I actually won me a few laughs. (reminds me of Journalism class with Ms. Meollo and 4C)
I was funny.
I am funny.
Even if I'm not trying to make fun of myself.

I'm not making sense, am I? What is sense anyway? I'm a lady of nonsense and sensibility. Counterpart of Kate Winslet in her old century based movie.

hala...
sige..
wala nanamang masulat.

It excites me that my class is starting to loosen up. Someone managed to crack a joke similar to Jaime Macatulad's ice breaking sarcasm. *hah* someone did manage to incorporate fun to the dullness of the class.

hay salamat. ako lang kasi ata ang pinaka madaldal sa klase ko(at the moment).

I just hope
tomorrow... things will be better.
fun-er.

I miss having fun. hmmm..
Where did all the fun go?

my

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST KAKANG CHA and my YAGBALLS! and a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAMES DOMINGO! I love you guys.

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST KAKANG CHA and my YAGBALLS!

and

a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAMES DOMINGO!

I love you guys.